I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize