Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
