The best revenge is premature balding
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
