Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
