I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
