Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What drink are we having for lunch?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
