just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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