So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
