There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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