we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
