i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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