And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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