there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
