if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize