she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
