she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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