Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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