every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
