it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
