I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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