If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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