How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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