My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
