I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
