it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
