dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
