You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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