Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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