i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
