My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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