yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
