you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
