so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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