So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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