The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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