woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
