You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
