I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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