So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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