I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
