We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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