Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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