I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
