Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
