just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
