i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
