imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
