please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
