Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
