Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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