theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
