I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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