you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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