I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize