Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
