I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My first STD was from a foam party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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