Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
