Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
