you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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