A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
