She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
