I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
