it hurts more in the daytime
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
