Already got asked if we're dating
I want to make a zoo with you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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