Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
