this boner is exhausting
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
