You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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