At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
