Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're so nebulous sometimes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
