so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
