Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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