NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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