I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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