We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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