dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
